A few months back my bed broke — OK, no jokes! That might be nothing more than a minor inconvenience for some, but for me it was one big challenge. And one I am glad I didn’t have to face alone.
That’s because I have battled anxiety and insomnia most of my life, so a broken bed inspires both of my lifelong challenges. To say I was a little agitated is an understatement. After three months of sleeping on the floor
I was losing it.
Adding insult to injury is that it’s hard to explain your troubles to anybody else because their first response is, “Just go buy a bed.”
Ugh. Not so easy. Here’s the problem: For insomniacs, all it takes is a little bit of discomfort and agitation to make it impossible to sleep. And of course, anxiety over finding the right bed makes it difficult to find the right bed since every time you lie down on one, you are anxious about whether or not you will be able to sleep on it. That anxiety makes you actually unable to sleep on it.
For all of you out there saying, “That’s crazy!” welcome to my world.
For those thinking my difficulty choosing a bed is somehow connected to my inability to choose a mate at 42, that’s an entirely different conversation.
Now I share this personal dilemma of mine with you for two reasons.
First, I want to give my friends and family a break from hearing about it, and you are the only ones left I can “entertain” with my situation.
The other reason is that it’s important for people to be honest, to be real and to talk about the “little” problems that sometimes don’t get talked about, so we all can all feel a little better and realize we are not alone in our varied mental anguishes.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, some 64 million Americans regularly suffer from insomnia each year. The principal causes range from simple stress and tension to full-blown anxiety issues. I am clearly not alone.
Most of my friends and family know about my sleep issues, and my anxiety issues, which makes life a whole lot easier to deal with. That’s because they are constantly reaching out and trying to help, even if it’s with a joking jab or two from time to time.
As for dealing with my underlying insomnia and anxiety issues themselves, it’s very important for me to stick to schedules, to exercise regularly, to eat well, and pray a lot. But just talking about it makes it easier, turning it into something almost funny instead of maddening, which it can truly be at times.
We all have different crosses to bear in life, and this is mine. But when I share it, it makes it easier for my friends and family to share them with me, and we all help each other carry our loads.
Reach out to friends and family in whatever way you can, and you never know how they will be able to help.
That’s why, despite my honest and hard-fought efforts to buy a new bed (I have already bought and returned three that just didn’t work), I am currently sleeping on a mattress that a friend loaned me, which is doing the trick.
You never know when a friend will be able to help you to rest your weary head, too.
Every year around this time we are overrun by Cupid and his minions – the Chocolate Makers and the Florists. Not a problem – I am a chocoholic myself. But the most important thing to realize on Valentine’s Day is how amazing it is that love is so important to us. It’s the greatest evidence that there is something out of this world going on in this one.
There must be a God, because otherwise how on earth would a concept as impractical and intangible as love actually come to be so powerful that it could eventually rule the world.
Just a few months ago we celebrated the coming of Christ. He came here to bring the new covenant – and to assure that God so loved man He gave His only son to be sacrificed for our salvation. He preached on this earth for 33 years a simple message – to love God and each other as ourselves.
In those 33 years that He walked the earth, scores of the world’s most powerful men tried to stop him from spreading His message of love. From the Emperor who tried to prevent his birth and end his life at infancy to the Pharisees and church leaders who tried to belittle and disqualify his message, he continually thwarted all their efforts and not only to succeeded dramatically at spreading his message but was able to amass a following that would be the envy of any of today’s greatest, most successful and powerful world leaders.
He did it all without money, without an army, without any station or backing and without offering those who followed any of the typical worldly rewards that most ambitious leaders today offer.
To the contrary, this simple man offered hardship, struggle and the realization that life on this earth would never be what we wanted it to be. Nor should we even ask or expect it to be.
In a world that was at that time centered entirely on power and how to use it, he offered a completely new idea of a life based not on domination of others or the satiation of our animal desires. But for the first time in history here was a man who suggested a new vision of existence that claimed the entire point of our lives was to love others and revel in the love of God and our brothers and sisters.
The amazing success he had with that uncommon message was echoed exponentially after his death and resurrection. From a simple initial following of 12 apostles, his message of love has now been accepted by over 2 billion in the world who call themselves Christian.
And how many others accept His call to love even though they might say they don’t believe in Christ? How many major movies, books, and works of art nowadays cite “love” as their goal? Even the band at halftime during the SuperBowl a few weeks ago spelled out “love” in lights during their performance.
How many world leaders routinely say (at least they claim) that they are committed to love of mankind? In Christ’s era, nobody could even dream that the world’s most powerful men would talk of “love”.
Now it’s true that many of these love devotees may not really appreciate the deep commitment to and respect for the dignity of human life. But still the realization that the majority of the world is now devoted at least in name to the goal that Christ set as the new goal of man 2000 years ago is beyond comprehension; it is nothing short of – well – a miracle.
And it’s a mighty wonderful realization to reflect on this Valentine’s Day as we reach out to love all those around us.
Let’s start the year off right and realize how incredible all of us are. When push comes to shove, we love more than hate, we help more than hurt, and we care more than we care less about others. Let’s remember all those wonderful people out there who helped all the rest of us wonderful people make it through another year.
I have more of an opportunity than most to see that outpouring of love by writing stories about people reaching out to others, and giving talks to people from all walks of life all over America who tell me their wonderful accounts of those who rose to meet the needs of others.
Like the outpouring of emails and supportive notes I received after my last column when I wrote of the young mother who almost wound up on the streets because of a temporary financial hardship. Not only did so many of you sympathize with her, but one reader even offered her a free house to live in for a few months if she needed to get back on her feet.
Or the young lady who came to one of my talks and spoke passionately about her financial woes after losing her father, her marriage and her job, all within a few months. Within minutes she was embraced by several in the crowd who offered guidance, understanding and job references. Later in the year she showed up at a totally unrelated Catholic gathering brimming with joy – and employment – having found solidarity and support from the many who reached out to help in the Catholic community.
With times tough all over, the cynics would expect self-serving people to be hoarding, not offering, whatever blessings they had to others.
But therein lies the rub. We are independent in America, but by no means selfish. We are constantly looking for ways to help others, especially when the chips are down.
That’s why giving to charity continued to be upwards of $300 billion last year yet again.
That’s why the crime rate is down, even as unemployment and frustrations are up.
That’s why the divorce rate is down, as families realize it’s better to stick together.
And that’s why, despite all the troubles and tribulations, we continue to love each other, to help each other, and to spur each other on as if we were inexorably connected – as if we were all part of something bigger than ourselves.
We are part of something more – it’s called the Body of Christ.
When we remember that, we rediscover our reason for being and our courage to push on amidst the steady stream of pain, suffering and struggle.
So as we continue to fight the good fight, let’s not forget what we are fighting for. Here’s a helpful reminder, a list of five questions to refresh your memory. Fill it out and fill up your life with all the love that’s already there.
Happy New Year!
Road map to happiness
- Who do you love (pick one person) and why are they so special to you?
- What’s the nicest thing anybody ever did for you and how did it inspire or help you?
- What’s the kindest thing you ever did for anybody else that helped to make their day or their life better? How has helping that person enhanced your own life?
- What is something positive that you saw somebody else do yesterday or today to help someone else which filled your heart with happiness? It could be a family member, a friend or even a complete stranger who you felt made somebody happy.
- Who loves you and how do they show it? How has their love changed your life?
By Chris Benguhe
Approximately 20 percent of the 30,000 suicides in this country each year are committed by veterans. That’s about 18 veterans committing suicide each day!
Sometimes we need to take a break from all of our own problems to talk to someone who needs desperately to be listened to and let the good Lord inspire us with something positive to say in return. Our returning soldiers need an extra heaping of that lovin’ nowadays.
A startling proof of that came a few years ago when I met Robert, a young American soldier who had returned from Iraq a few months earlier after waking up on a pile of rubble with most of his legs gone. The former U.S. marine got blown up while trying to charge a rocket launcher aimed at a mosque where a rival religion faction was organizing a voter-training meeting.
He was rescued by his comrades in arms and rushed back to a hospital in time to save his life. Then after a whole lot of surgeries and rehabilitation overseas, he was sent back to the United States and his family.
Predictably, things weren’t easy for Robert. His wife left him a few months after he returned, unable to deal with the pain that plagued his body and the darkness that persisted in his heart and head.
Months later in a tiny Irish pub, Robert was sitting, staring pensively at the traditional Celtic band as they played a maudlin musical lament that perfectly illustrated his mood.
While sipping my usual cup of espresso in my favorite booth, I spied Robert looking a bit forlorn to say the least.
“How’s it going?” I shouted over the music. “Are you havin’ a good time?”
With military precision and conviction he shouted back. “I’m all messed up,” as he pointed down toward his strapped up legs – two prosthesis, bustling with wires, springs and plastic. “I’m in the hospital every other day,” he continued. “I’m in constant pain. At night I pop pain pills until I pass out. Then I wake up from the nightmares and pray to God I don’t fall asleep again.”
A bit overwhelmed by his honesty, I was tempted not to pursue the matter further, but my humanity got the better of me, and I walked over to his table to learn more. I soon discovered that what made Robert’s pain and suffering truly unbearable for him was that he could not be there for the most important person in his life – his six year-old-daughter. “I’m no good for her now,” he cried. “Not like this. I can’t even take care of myself, let alone be a dad. Seeing me so depressed and down isn’t what she needs right now.”
Because of this he had given up visitation rights to his daughter until he could get his life back on track. The way he spoke of his daughter lit up the room and my heart as well.
“You love that girl so much that you gave her up for her own good,” I told him. “Do you realize what a tremendous sacrifice that was? Being aware of your own devotion to her will fuel you to overcome this obstacle so you can get back to her. You now have a greater reason in your heart than you have ever known to recover!”
Robert raised his head from its slumber and got a bit of a twinkle in his eye as if a light bulb went off. “That’s true,” he uttered softly – the military acuteness giving way to a sober serenity. “I’ve really got something to work on now.”
I ran into Robert again a few weeks later, and I realized my words came at the tight time.
“You saved my life,” he whispered as he pulled me closer to give me a huge hug. “I was ready to swallow a bottle of those pain pills that night. But you made me realize how much I had to live for. I wasn’t messed up – I was alright. And I’m going to kick this all and get back to being a great dad for my little girl.”
Shock, amazement, confusion – I can’t even begin to express what I felt. I told him thanks for his words of thanks – and to pass on the favor some day.
Today, I am asking you to pass on the favor. If you know a vet, see one in a restaurant or even pass them on the street, take the time to say thanks and maybe to listen to their story. You just might help them to win the hardest battle of their lives, so we all can win the war we fight every day to make this world a better place.
Want to help our vets financially? Buy Chris Benguhe’s latest book, “Overcoming Life’s 7 Common Tragedies: Opportunities for Discovering God” this month through his website at http://onemoredayalive.com/buy-the-book/ and a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Wounded Warrior Project!
With Independence Day just around the corner, it might be a nice time to reflect on how fortunate we all are to live in this amazing nation, even when it seems like everywhere you turn things have gone wrong over the past few years. But some amazing things have also gone right — pinpointing some very special attributes of our country.
Yes, there are still way too many people without jobs and the housing market is still in a slump, but all of us have adjusted remarkably well to one of the worst economic struggles in the last 100 years. Report after report and study after study show that Americans have used the experience to reexamine their values and adjust their desires.
Despite the fact that many people had to drastically cut their own personal budgets, they still felt compelled to give to others around $300 billion last year; that’s remarkable. We did it not because our government forced us to, but because we wanted to. Incidentally that’s the key difference between socialism — where government supplants our moral right and obligation to help, which the Catholic Church squarely condemns — and social justice — where we choose to help because of our moral character. That character is alive and well in America!
And it seems that when the chips are down Americans go to church — attendance has continued to rise in America since 2008, when the whole economic turmoil started according to the most recent Gallup reports. Maybe that’s because nine out of 10 Americans say they believe in God (that number is only one in five in nations like Denmark and Sweden) — and most believe our nation was founded upon the divinely derived innate value of human beings. When times get tough, we go back to the source of our strength, our beliefs and our nation.
When times get tough in America, we stick together, especially with our mates. A report from the CDC released in May shows that the divorce rate has gone down for two years running after years of rising. Though some cynics say it’s because people can’t afford to get divorced, others point to the more sensible conclusion that since the number one reason for divorce is historically financial, maybe Americans are starting to revaluate their reasons for splitting as they reevaluate all their other economic indicators.
Finally, let’s take a look at crime in America. You would think that tough times would make crime rise, especially when it comes to theft. On the contrary, the overall crime rate is dropping like crazy across the board according to the FBI’s Preliminary Annual Uniform Crime Report. Robbery dropped 8.1 percent, murder decreased 7.2 percent, aggravated assault declined 4.2 percent, and rape decreased 3.1 percent.
Experts can’t really point to a reason for that decline. Maybe money really is the root of all evil — when we are too obsessed with it. Or maybe we simply need a wake-up call every once in a while in America to remind us of our commitment to each other, to God and to the values that this country was founded upon. After all, this wasn’t the land of wealth of and wonton pleasure, but the land of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And we Americans don’t give up on that, or each other.
When times are tough, we respond, ready to fight arm in arm not just for our own selfish needs but for what’s right, what’s just and for the rights and welfare of others. That’s what God created us to do, and He gave us this blessed nation, unlike any other on earth, to do it in.
ALL OUT OF LOVE THIS VALENTINE’S DAY?
Here’s 7 ways to fill up your heart!
By Columnist Chris Benguhe – Author of Overcoming Life’s 7 Common Tragedies: Opportunities for Discovering God.
If you don’t have a special someone to spend Valentine’s Day with this weekend, all the extra amor in the air is bound to get you down.
If your heart is feeling like its running on empty, then why not fill it up with what Valentine’s Day is REALLY about – REAL love – not just romance! There is a whole lot more love around you then you realize.
Our lives are naturally enriched by surrounding ourselves with those that love us. From family to friends, and even people we meet for a moment in passing. We all can reinforce each other with love.
Here are 7 simple ways to find it and fill up your heart—
1. Visit an older friend or relative or simply stop by a senior center to share some goodwill and cheer.
2. Volunteer your time at a charity – St. Vincent de Paul is my favorite.
3. Pick one person who has helped you the most this year and bring them a Valentine’s gift just because.
4. Reach out to a neighbor.
5. Call a long lost friend or relative just to say hello.
6. Pick 5 people out who help you throughout the year and say thanks (hint – a police officer, your garbage man, your mail carrier and that cashier at the grocery store who always smiles and remembers your name for starters.)
7. Spend the day smiling and saying hello to everyone you encounter.
And remember it’s not about whether the glass is half full or half empty – it’s about the value of the glass. The glass of your life is always valuable because you can fill it up with lots of love!
Read more of Chris Benguhe’s inspirational thoughts in his latest book available at Amazon through the link below-
Chris Benguhe is a columnist for the Catholic Sun and the Author of “Overcoming Life’s 7 Common Tragedies: Opportunities for Discovering God.”
ALL MATERIALS ABOVE ©2007 by Chris Benguhe
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