A few months back my bed broke — OK, no jokes! That might be nothing more than a minor inconvenience for some, but for me it was one big challenge. And one I am glad I didn’t have to face alone.
That’s because I have battled anxiety and insomnia most of my life, so a broken bed inspires both of my lifelong challenges. To say I was a little agitated is an understatement. After three months of sleeping on the floor
I was losing it.
Adding insult to injury is that it’s hard to explain your troubles to anybody else because their first response is, “Just go buy a bed.”
Ugh. Not so easy. Here’s the problem: For insomniacs, all it takes is a little bit of discomfort and agitation to make it impossible to sleep. And of course, anxiety over finding the right bed makes it difficult to find the right bed since every time you lie down on one, you are anxious about whether or not you will be able to sleep on it. That anxiety makes you actually unable to sleep on it.
For all of you out there saying, “That’s crazy!” welcome to my world.
For those thinking my difficulty choosing a bed is somehow connected to my inability to choose a mate at 42, that’s an entirely different conversation.
Now I share this personal dilemma of mine with you for two reasons.
First, I want to give my friends and family a break from hearing about it, and you are the only ones left I can “entertain” with my situation.
The other reason is that it’s important for people to be honest, to be real and to talk about the “little” problems that sometimes don’t get talked about, so we all can all feel a little better and realize we are not alone in our varied mental anguishes.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, some 64 million Americans regularly suffer from insomnia each year. The principal causes range from simple stress and tension to full-blown anxiety issues. I am clearly not alone.
Most of my friends and family know about my sleep issues, and my anxiety issues, which makes life a whole lot easier to deal with. That’s because they are constantly reaching out and trying to help, even if it’s with a joking jab or two from time to time.
As for dealing with my underlying insomnia and anxiety issues themselves, it’s very important for me to stick to schedules, to exercise regularly, to eat well, and pray a lot. But just talking about it makes it easier, turning it into something almost funny instead of maddening, which it can truly be at times.
We all have different crosses to bear in life, and this is mine. But when I share it, it makes it easier for my friends and family to share them with me, and we all help each other carry our loads.
Reach out to friends and family in whatever way you can, and you never know how they will be able to help.
That’s why, despite my honest and hard-fought efforts to buy a new bed (I have already bought and returned three that just didn’t work), I am currently sleeping on a mattress that a friend loaned me, which is doing the trick.
You never know when a friend will be able to help you to rest your weary head, too.
Every year around this time we are overrun by Cupid and his minions – the Chocolate Makers and the Florists. Not a problem – I am a chocoholic myself. But the most important thing to realize on Valentine’s Day is how amazing it is that love is so important to us. It’s the greatest evidence that there is something out of this world going on in this one.
There must be a God, because otherwise how on earth would a concept as impractical and intangible as love actually come to be so powerful that it could eventually rule the world.
Just a few months ago we celebrated the coming of Christ. He came here to bring the new covenant – and to assure that God so loved man He gave His only son to be sacrificed for our salvation. He preached on this earth for 33 years a simple message – to love God and each other as ourselves.
In those 33 years that He walked the earth, scores of the world’s most powerful men tried to stop him from spreading His message of love. From the Emperor who tried to prevent his birth and end his life at infancy to the Pharisees and church leaders who tried to belittle and disqualify his message, he continually thwarted all their efforts and not only to succeeded dramatically at spreading his message but was able to amass a following that would be the envy of any of today’s greatest, most successful and powerful world leaders.
He did it all without money, without an army, without any station or backing and without offering those who followed any of the typical worldly rewards that most ambitious leaders today offer.
To the contrary, this simple man offered hardship, struggle and the realization that life on this earth would never be what we wanted it to be. Nor should we even ask or expect it to be.
In a world that was at that time centered entirely on power and how to use it, he offered a completely new idea of a life based not on domination of others or the satiation of our animal desires. But for the first time in history here was a man who suggested a new vision of existence that claimed the entire point of our lives was to love others and revel in the love of God and our brothers and sisters.
The amazing success he had with that uncommon message was echoed exponentially after his death and resurrection. From a simple initial following of 12 apostles, his message of love has now been accepted by over 2 billion in the world who call themselves Christian.
And how many others accept His call to love even though they might say they don’t believe in Christ? How many major movies, books, and works of art nowadays cite “love” as their goal? Even the band at halftime during the SuperBowl a few weeks ago spelled out “love” in lights during their performance.
How many world leaders routinely say (at least they claim) that they are committed to love of mankind? In Christ’s era, nobody could even dream that the world’s most powerful men would talk of “love”.
Now it’s true that many of these love devotees may not really appreciate the deep commitment to and respect for the dignity of human life. But still the realization that the majority of the world is now devoted at least in name to the goal that Christ set as the new goal of man 2000 years ago is beyond comprehension; it is nothing short of – well – a miracle.
And it’s a mighty wonderful realization to reflect on this Valentine’s Day as we reach out to love all those around us.
Let’s start the year off right and realize how incredible all of us are. When push comes to shove, we love more than hate, we help more than hurt, and we care more than we care less about others. Let’s remember all those wonderful people out there who helped all the rest of us wonderful people make it through another year.
I have more of an opportunity than most to see that outpouring of love by writing stories about people reaching out to others, and giving talks to people from all walks of life all over America who tell me their wonderful accounts of those who rose to meet the needs of others.
Like the outpouring of emails and supportive notes I received after my last column when I wrote of the young mother who almost wound up on the streets because of a temporary financial hardship. Not only did so many of you sympathize with her, but one reader even offered her a free house to live in for a few months if she needed to get back on her feet.
Or the young lady who came to one of my talks and spoke passionately about her financial woes after losing her father, her marriage and her job, all within a few months. Within minutes she was embraced by several in the crowd who offered guidance, understanding and job references. Later in the year she showed up at a totally unrelated Catholic gathering brimming with joy – and employment – having found solidarity and support from the many who reached out to help in the Catholic community.
With times tough all over, the cynics would expect self-serving people to be hoarding, not offering, whatever blessings they had to others.
But therein lies the rub. We are independent in America, but by no means selfish. We are constantly looking for ways to help others, especially when the chips are down.
That’s why giving to charity continued to be upwards of $300 billion last year yet again.
That’s why the crime rate is down, even as unemployment and frustrations are up.
That’s why the divorce rate is down, as families realize it’s better to stick together.
And that’s why, despite all the troubles and tribulations, we continue to love each other, to help each other, and to spur each other on as if we were inexorably connected – as if we were all part of something bigger than ourselves.
We are part of something more – it’s called the Body of Christ.
When we remember that, we rediscover our reason for being and our courage to push on amidst the steady stream of pain, suffering and struggle.
So as we continue to fight the good fight, let’s not forget what we are fighting for. Here’s a helpful reminder, a list of five questions to refresh your memory. Fill it out and fill up your life with all the love that’s already there.
Happy New Year!
Road map to happiness
- Who do you love (pick one person) and why are they so special to you?
- What’s the nicest thing anybody ever did for you and how did it inspire or help you?
- What’s the kindest thing you ever did for anybody else that helped to make their day or their life better? How has helping that person enhanced your own life?
- What is something positive that you saw somebody else do yesterday or today to help someone else which filled your heart with happiness? It could be a family member, a friend or even a complete stranger who you felt made somebody happy.
- Who loves you and how do they show it? How has their love changed your life?
By Chris Benguhe
Approximately 20 percent of the 30,000 suicides in this country each year are committed by veterans. That’s about 18 veterans committing suicide each day!
Sometimes we need to take a break from all of our own problems to talk to someone who needs desperately to be listened to and let the good Lord inspire us with something positive to say in return. Our returning soldiers need an extra heaping of that lovin’ nowadays.
A startling proof of that came a few years ago when I met Robert, a young American soldier who had returned from Iraq a few months earlier after waking up on a pile of rubble with most of his legs gone. The former U.S. marine got blown up while trying to charge a rocket launcher aimed at a mosque where a rival religion faction was organizing a voter-training meeting.
He was rescued by his comrades in arms and rushed back to a hospital in time to save his life. Then after a whole lot of surgeries and rehabilitation overseas, he was sent back to the United States and his family.
Predictably, things weren’t easy for Robert. His wife left him a few months after he returned, unable to deal with the pain that plagued his body and the darkness that persisted in his heart and head.
Months later in a tiny Irish pub, Robert was sitting, staring pensively at the traditional Celtic band as they played a maudlin musical lament that perfectly illustrated his mood.
While sipping my usual cup of espresso in my favorite booth, I spied Robert looking a bit forlorn to say the least.
“How’s it going?” I shouted over the music. “Are you havin’ a good time?”
With military precision and conviction he shouted back. “I’m all messed up,” as he pointed down toward his strapped up legs – two prosthesis, bustling with wires, springs and plastic. “I’m in the hospital every other day,” he continued. “I’m in constant pain. At night I pop pain pills until I pass out. Then I wake up from the nightmares and pray to God I don’t fall asleep again.”
A bit overwhelmed by his honesty, I was tempted not to pursue the matter further, but my humanity got the better of me, and I walked over to his table to learn more. I soon discovered that what made Robert’s pain and suffering truly unbearable for him was that he could not be there for the most important person in his life – his six year-old-daughter. “I’m no good for her now,” he cried. “Not like this. I can’t even take care of myself, let alone be a dad. Seeing me so depressed and down isn’t what she needs right now.”
Because of this he had given up visitation rights to his daughter until he could get his life back on track. The way he spoke of his daughter lit up the room and my heart as well.
“You love that girl so much that you gave her up for her own good,” I told him. “Do you realize what a tremendous sacrifice that was? Being aware of your own devotion to her will fuel you to overcome this obstacle so you can get back to her. You now have a greater reason in your heart than you have ever known to recover!”
Robert raised his head from its slumber and got a bit of a twinkle in his eye as if a light bulb went off. “That’s true,” he uttered softly – the military acuteness giving way to a sober serenity. “I’ve really got something to work on now.”
I ran into Robert again a few weeks later, and I realized my words came at the tight time.
“You saved my life,” he whispered as he pulled me closer to give me a huge hug. “I was ready to swallow a bottle of those pain pills that night. But you made me realize how much I had to live for. I wasn’t messed up – I was alright. And I’m going to kick this all and get back to being a great dad for my little girl.”
Shock, amazement, confusion – I can’t even begin to express what I felt. I told him thanks for his words of thanks – and to pass on the favor some day.
Today, I am asking you to pass on the favor. If you know a vet, see one in a restaurant or even pass them on the street, take the time to say thanks and maybe to listen to their story. You just might help them to win the hardest battle of their lives, so we all can win the war we fight every day to make this world a better place.
Want to help our vets financially? Buy Chris Benguhe’s latest book, “Overcoming Life’s 7 Common Tragedies: Opportunities for Discovering God” this month through his website at http://onemoredayalive.com/buy-the-book/ and a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Wounded Warrior Project!
October 16th
10 am
St. Rose’s Parent/Teen Picnic and Retreat
Good Shepherd Mission
45033 North 12th Street
New River, AZ
A Grand Canyon University Sponsored Event
October 24th
7 pm
St. Theresa’s Youth Group
St. Theresa Parish
5045 E. Thomas Road
Phoenix, AZ
A Grand Canyon University Sponsored Event
October 30th
Singles Talk
Mount Claret
4633 N. 54th Street
Phoenix, AZ
A Grand Canyon University Sponsored Event
November 8th
8 am
Seton High School
Featured Keynote to School Assembly
7 pm
Talk to Parents
1150 N Dobson Road
Chandler , AZ
A Grand Canyon University Sponsored Event
November 19-20
Overcoming Life’s 7 Common Tragedies Retreat
Bishop de Falco Retreat Center
2100 North Spring
Amarillo, TX
806-383-1811
December 1st
7 pm
Holy Cross Youth Group
1244 S. Power Rd.
Mesa AZ
A Grand Canyon University Sponsored Event
December 4th
Advent Parish Mission/St. Rose’s
Good Shepherd Mission
45033 North 12th Street
New River, AZ
A Grand Canyon University Sponsored Event
By Chris Benguhe
Is humanity evil, and is it government’s responsibility to rehabilitate it?
Or is mankind innately good, and with the most basic of oversight and moral motivation will the majority of us choose to do the right thing, allowing government to focus on controlling only the most aberrant humans?
Maybe Michael Moore didn’t think about answering those questions before he concocted his attack on capitalism a few years back. But as President Obama attempts to “fundamentally transform” our nation by restructuring our economy, our society, and our national mindset hoping to ultra-regulate America out of immoral business practices and legislate morality with new social policies – these are a couple of questions which really need to be answered.
There are plenty of examples for the evil humanity argument. Over the last few years, we saw greedy hedge fund managers play a shell game with investors and invested funds. We watched everyday people lie about income and fraudulently promise to pay more than they could afford, so they could have more than they needed in a nation seemingly obsessed with having more, bigger and better stuff.
Then we topped it all off with Wall Street financiers and Big Business bosses looking for government bailout packages, unions refusing to negotiate wages for the good of ALL the employees and the nation, and everyday folks all looking for what their country can do for them, instead of the other way around.
What do all these things have in common? They are all selfish and immoral. But was any of this really the fault of capitalism? Or was it actually quite the opposite, that these were all directly or indirectly the result of a combination of government intervention, greed and irresponsible stupidity and could capitalism save us?
To determine that, first we might have to get out from under the recent tirade of media maniacs deriding capitalism, to get a little background on how capitalism actually works.
You see, if you believe that human beings are inherently good, then you are also a fan of capitalism. Because you also believe that people will eventually act in the best interest of society more often than not, when left to their own devices in a free market system. But when the system is played around with too much, for instance when government favors one industry, or group over another, such as the oil industry, or the real estate industry, or the auto industry, then it screws everything up. That stops people from doing the right thing, which they already wanted to do. At least that’s the idea behind the philosophy of capitalism. It also leads way too many people to forget about what’s best for them and the rest of society because they are so busy trying to beat the system of government regulation.
Don’t take my word for it – listen to Adam Smith, the founder of modern capitalism.
Most unethical opportunists today point to Smith’s claims in his famous “Wealth of Nations” that self-interests alone are what make capitalism work. But Smith wrote another book. In his “Theory of Moral Sentiments,” he explains “self-interest” includes the interest of the rest of society, since the social acceptance, status, and support of all affects the interests of the individual. He argues only a society which values social justice achieved through community and moral obligations can achieve prosperity.
In simpler terms any capitalist with a brain in his head knows that for him to prosper in the long run, so too must his neighbors, his community, his nation and his world prosper. Maybe the real problem is that a few too many of us capitalists forgot about that recently.
But Smith doesn’t stop there. He says not only “should’ we act morally, but free from the tyranny of government we “want” to act morally.
Says Smith: “However selfish man may be supposed, there are evidently some principles in his nature, which interest him in the fortune of others, and render their happiness necessary to him, though they derive nothing from it except the pleasure of seeing it.”
That’s probably why despite the all the financial doom going on in America, Americans, left to their own compulsion to care gave over $300 billion away last year. None of that was caused by Obama’s stimulus package. It was given of our free will.
That, by the way, is another positive precept of capitalism – it fosters free will, which is a basic requirement for morality. You cannot be moral if someone has forced you to do so. That’s the whole theological argument behind why God allows people to sin, because if he didn’t they could not choose to love Him and choose to do the right thing.
So maybe capitalism is a good thing, a moral thing. If so, then will less capitalism mean less morality? Or to put it more specifically, do we want government to tell our businesses and our people how to behave ethically ironically leading most of us to do the opposite?
Will such heavy-handed attempts simply enrage free-willed Americans making them less apt to act in accordance with their conscience? Will taking away our free will make us incapable of loving and respecting each other? A quick look back at the Soviet Union suggests so.
Do we really want to live in an Orwellian world where Big Brother forces us by dictatorial edict to do what it believes is right, or should we leave people alone to choose to act morally and let government concentrate on protecting the right to life, liberty and the PURSUIT of happiness?
We better choose now before the choice is taken away.
With Independence Day just around the corner, it might be a nice time to reflect on how fortunate we all are to live in this amazing nation, even when it seems like everywhere you turn things have gone wrong over the past few years. But some amazing things have also gone right — pinpointing some very special attributes of our country.
Yes, there are still way too many people without jobs and the housing market is still in a slump, but all of us have adjusted remarkably well to one of the worst economic struggles in the last 100 years. Report after report and study after study show that Americans have used the experience to reexamine their values and adjust their desires.
Despite the fact that many people had to drastically cut their own personal budgets, they still felt compelled to give to others around $300 billion last year; that’s remarkable. We did it not because our government forced us to, but because we wanted to. Incidentally that’s the key difference between socialism — where government supplants our moral right and obligation to help, which the Catholic Church squarely condemns — and social justice — where we choose to help because of our moral character. That character is alive and well in America!
And it seems that when the chips are down Americans go to church — attendance has continued to rise in America since 2008, when the whole economic turmoil started according to the most recent Gallup reports. Maybe that’s because nine out of 10 Americans say they believe in God (that number is only one in five in nations like Denmark and Sweden) — and most believe our nation was founded upon the divinely derived innate value of human beings. When times get tough, we go back to the source of our strength, our beliefs and our nation.
When times get tough in America, we stick together, especially with our mates. A report from the CDC released in May shows that the divorce rate has gone down for two years running after years of rising. Though some cynics say it’s because people can’t afford to get divorced, others point to the more sensible conclusion that since the number one reason for divorce is historically financial, maybe Americans are starting to revaluate their reasons for splitting as they reevaluate all their other economic indicators.
Finally, let’s take a look at crime in America. You would think that tough times would make crime rise, especially when it comes to theft. On the contrary, the overall crime rate is dropping like crazy across the board according to the FBI’s Preliminary Annual Uniform Crime Report. Robbery dropped 8.1 percent, murder decreased 7.2 percent, aggravated assault declined 4.2 percent, and rape decreased 3.1 percent.
Experts can’t really point to a reason for that decline. Maybe money really is the root of all evil — when we are too obsessed with it. Or maybe we simply need a wake-up call every once in a while in America to remind us of our commitment to each other, to God and to the values that this country was founded upon. After all, this wasn’t the land of wealth of and wonton pleasure, but the land of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And we Americans don’t give up on that, or each other.
When times are tough, we respond, ready to fight arm in arm not just for our own selfish needs but for what’s right, what’s just and for the rights and welfare of others. That’s what God created us to do, and He gave us this blessed nation, unlike any other on earth, to do it in.
Hope vs. Faith
Hope: Expectations for the future
Faith: Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing. Belief in a set of principles
“Don’t lose hope,” said the waitress to one of the regulars at a little cafe I frequent. The patron had just poured her heart out to the waitress about losing her job. The property management company she worked for lost their shirt in the real estate crisis, and the thirty-something single mother of two got laid off. “Keep the faith,” I muttered as she left the cafe. She smiled and thanked me for my concern.
But can such platitudes offer any meaningful comfort or direction when we are at the end of our rope?
Unemployment is still in the stratosphere. Most economists say we had better get used to that because we won’t see that number coming down for years.
Foreclosures are still out of control and may see another rise. Experts say the worst of this is behind us – but that really doesn’t make anyone who has been foreclosed upon feel any better.
Oil and gas prices are through the roof.
Everywhere you look nowadays the papers are filled with stories of people struggling to make ends meet.
So what do we all do about it? Don’t lose hope and keep the faith? But what does that actually mean?
Well maybe hope –looking forward to better times to come – makes it easier to keep going. Psychologists and common sense tell us we can endure anything for a limited time, as long as the end is in site, and we know that better times lie ahead.
But how do we know that good times lie ahead – and how do we deal with the ones we got.
That’s where faith comes in.
Maybe hope without faith is missing the point of our lives – that there is a great value to finding some solace in the situations we are in – even the worst of them.
If you believe in what you are doing and why you are doing it, you can endure more than you ever imagined.
But faith can help us find happiness within the experiences of our ordeals themselves and how we deal with them? Because tough times make us realize the value of our lives can’t all be measured, understood or based on our prosperity, our fortune, misfortune, or end result at all.
Our value is wrapped up in the way we live, the people, the principles and the God we live for. And in turn those are the reasons to endure the toughest times life can offer – to keep going – for all those principles and people that we love.
And we will get through. But when we do, we will have much more than our rediscovered prosperity? We will have the knowledge and know-how it took us to get there. We will have the confidence in our ability to weather tough times. Most importantly, we will know better what we value, and who.
We will all keep working hard. Because that’s what Americans do. In fact, when the chips are down, you can’t beat our spirit, our ingenuity and our faith in each other, in ourselves, and in our God to see us through.
We keep going because we know that every day, every hour, every second that we spend helping spread God’s love through our own compassion, our understanding and our endurance gets all of us one step closer to making the Lord’s Prayer a reality – “Thy will be done – on earth as it is in Heaven.”
And I HOPE none of you give up on that.
7 Days of Simple Exercises to Turn on Your Heart!
Times are tough all over. People everywhere are struggling more than in decades. Add to that all the timeless tension of living your everyday life – struggles at home and on the job (if you have one!).
So here is a series of 7 very easy exercises you can do this week to prepare for the rejuvenating magic of Easter. They will not take more than a minute or two each day.
Day 1
Pick someone you love and write down why are they special to you. (THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO BE ROMANTIC, JUST ANYONE YOU LOVE!)
Day 2
Think about the nicest thing anybody did for you today or last week.
Day 3
Think about the kindest thing you did for anybody else today or last week.
Day 4
Recall something positive that you saw somebody else do THIS week to help someone else that filled your heart with happiness.
Day 5
Reflect on the person you picked on Day 1 and write about how their love and support for you has changed your life in one simple sentence.
Day 6
Read the person you wrote about on Days 1 and 5 what you wrote..
Day 7 (Easter!)
Go to Church – Smile at everyone there. Observe all the love that’s there. Tell God how much you love Him and spend the rest of the day spreading that love everywhere you go!
All materials above are From Chris Benguhe’s latest book “Overcoming Life’s 7 Common Tragedies: Opportunities for Discovering God,” available at Amazon.com which examines the positive potential of tragedy to bring people closer to each other and to inspire them to realize their ultimate purpose. He also pens a regular column for the Catholic Sun in Phoenix, Ariz.
It’s not about whether the glass is half full or half empty, but about the value of the glass – the glass of our lives is always valuable.
Send this to 10 People You Love!
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