One More Day Alive

By this time I am sure you all have received your share of holiday emails and messages reminding you all of all the things that you have to be grateful for, so I won’t bore you with another.

Since I spend most of the year telling you how great your lives are, I thought I would switch gears at this time of year, and remind you of all the things that you have to be annoyed by.

So after you are done with Christmas dinner, I want you all to take a few moments to consider the following:

All the great presents who wished you received that you didn’t. (Can you believe they actually thought you would like that junk they bought you!)

How the holidays turn mildly annoying everyday traffic into lousy logjams filled with totally rude, incompetent drivers who are capable of turning even the most loving and tolerant people into proponents of capital punishment.

The way your company cut back on the Christmas party by having everyone bring something to eat and then docked your paycheck for the time you spent at the party.

Your boss, or boss’s boss – one of them is probably a thorn in your side.

The lovely pre-holiday letter from your bank informing you of the new fees they will charging next year. Happy New Year!

GAS PRICES!!!!

That weird, annoying guy in your neighborhood who tries tirelessly to piss everybody else off – and succeeds!

Your kid’s idiot teacher who seems to know less about the subject matter than the students but insists your child is the source of all the problems in their class.

CONGRESS!

Government red tape!

Corporate greed!

Kim Kardashian – or any Kardashian!

Mindless, stupid newscasts!

Doomsayers, and anyone who finds a way to turn a normal conversation into a discussion of the Mayan calendar and the end of the world.

TAXES!

Ok, are you all pretty disgusted and fumed now? Are you ready to go postal at your local post office now? (Provided the budget cuts didn’t close that one down.)

Now take a deep breath, and think about all the people in your life who make all that crap worth putting up with.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A WONDERFUL, BLESSED NEW YEAR MAKING ALL OF THEM AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN!

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Profit and public responsibility, or at least accountability, are not unrelated. In fact, maybe they are inexorably connected to each other.  But don’t just take my word for it.

The recent backlash over proposed new debit card fees by banks in America is the perfect example. The fact that those banks finally listened to the protestations of their customers is the best news yet for the future of America – and the future of capitalism.

Because the last two years have been a real test for business in America making many wonder if capitalism would survive the backlash of public protests.

But the reality is that outside of a few wacky extremists crying for outright socialism most Americans don’t oppose capitalism or profits. What they are fed up, and rightfully so, is the proliferation of unfettered GREED and the rise of an embarrassingly irresponsible corporate culture of selfishness!

Case in point: the debit card fee fiasco. This all began in September after Bank of America foolishly decided to try to nickel and dime the American public (the same American public who bailed them out with a huge stimulus just a few years ago) by adding a $5-a-month fee to use debit cards. Other banks soon announced they would do the same.

Within a few months there was a huge public outcry from customers with many threatening to leave en masse. All this finally made all the banks including Bank of America reverse their decision.

Now obviously these banks changed their minds because they realized that in this particular situation they stood to lose customers. And that would cost them more profit in the long run than they would make in the short run by adding the fees.

But maybe this is more than just an isolated case. Maybe it means that corporate America is remembering the bottom line of capitalism is not just dollars, but SENSE too – common sense that says that caring about people, about the world around you will improve your profits. That’s because people are more apt to work for and buy from companies that are nice instead of nasty.  It is proven time and time again.

Henry Ford, one of the greatest, and most successful, capitalists in American history – the father of the assembly line – purposely raised his employees’ salaries more than he needed to in order to enable them to buy his cars.  That wasn’t just because he was a nice guy. He knew it would create generations of Ford Customers that would inevitably in the long run earn the company much more than it cost in the short run. But the byproduct of that was he made a whole lot of employees happier and better off too, and he was probably the happier for it as well!

Now I do not think it is government’s responsibility to make these companies act morally. (The exception is when the whole game is rigged for instance in the case of collusion or monopoly.) We need free will and free markets in order for moral decisions to be possible. God does not make us do the right thing, and neither should government.  

I truly believe eventually the people will get tired of being taken advantage of, and they will rise up and make these companies do the right thing with the power of their wallets.

But if everything I have said is true then it begs the question: Why have there been so many short-sighted selfish companies in the last few decades in America? 

The answer is simple – stupidity!  If everyone (the companies, the employees and the consumers) prospers more in the long run, by running a considerate and socially responsible business, then only a fool would do differently.

But thank God some of those fools are beginning to wise up.

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There’s been a lot of talk lately about how our mounting debt crisis is going to saddle our children and our grandchildren with great difficulty.

Well, thank God we are finally talking about our children. Now maybe we can start talking about all the ways we need to help them right now as well as in the future.

Twenty years ago the first article I ever wrote professionally was an opinion article in the local daily newspaper that was inspired by an interview I did with the director of St. Mary’s Food Bank. He informed me the hunger rate in children was a whopping 25 percent.

It was unfathomable to me that a quarter of our children could be going to bed hungry every night. Unlike adults, children are helpless to help themselves out of such a situation.
So why would we possibly allow such a situation to continue?

In 2011, the state of our children is still in jeopardy. There is still a 20 percent hunger rate in children. The good news is that’s down 5 percent; the bad news is that it’s still too high. And when you add to that the deficits children face in the availability of health care and education, it begs the question why.

I dare to be optimistic and suggest it’s not because we can’t change it, but maybe it’s because we are way too accustomed to feeling good in our society — at the expense of our children. But a little attitude shift could change everything.

Just look at the number of children who have been sacrificed to abortion — 42 million globally each year. The number one reason given for wanting an abortion in this country is not hardship but inconvenience.

But a friend who had an abortion 10 years ago because she thought a child would get in the way of her life recently confided in me how differently she now sees things. After a lifetime of pain, suffering and loneliness, she realizes the life she could have had with that child, not to mention the life she could have created and fostered would more than outweigh the loss of her “freedom.”

Look at the huge surge of drug use in the “if-it-feels-good -do-it” 1960s, ’70s and ’80s in America, and then look at the fact that since 1986, more than 70 percent of the child welfare cases in America have been shown to be caused in some part by substance abuse.

My prayers are with any individual who has ever suffered from a drug addiction. But I hope with all my heart that anyone with a child comes to their senses and realizes that the life of their child is at stake every time they give in to their addiction.

Maybe we don’t all need as many comforts, as many excuses, as many vices, as many conveniences, or to “feel good” as much as we think.

Thirty years ago my Fr. turned down a high-paying job in Los Angeles because I had asthma and he knew the smog would kill me. My mother sacrificed a career as an opera singer to be a mother to three children. They knew their most important job was being parents.

Ten years ago I interviewed a retired chief petty officer and nurse living on modest wages who decided to adopt 10 foster children because they knew those children needed them.

Maybe what we need — and what will serve us even more in the long run — is if we step up to the plate to take care of our kids, to give them the education, the resources and the attention they need, even it means sacrificing a little of what we think we need.

Then hopefully all this talk about the future of our children will make its way into the present.

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As Labor Day appraoches so does too the unofficial end of summer and happily the end of the summer heat. The long weekend is celebrated with backyard barbecues and pool parties, as families and friends gather together for one last chance to have some summer fun, while football fans everywhere celebrate the beginning of football season.

But do any of us really stop and think about what Labor Day is really about and why it was important enough to be a holiday in the first place? Well, the first Labor Day in the United States became a federal holiday in 1894 as a way for the government to reconcile with unions and citizens in general, after workers were killed by U.S. Marshals during the Pullman Strike, 15 years earlier.

The killing was of course one of those tragic and unintended mishaps, but it made many in the country realize that there needed to be some safeguards installed in our system that would help to protect laborers from exploitation and abuse. Making Labor Day an official holiday was meant to signal that our government recognized that the everyday laborer, no matter how menial the job, was important, had an innate value, and was worthy of all the same human rights of business owners, gentry and those in government. And that they would never again be forgotten or mistreated.

In other words, Labor Day is supposed to remind us not only of the value of hard work, but that all those who do it are human beings, not just cogs in a machine.

But this Labor Day maybe it’s an even more poignant reminder for a very important and overlooked particular group of workers: the unemployed. Those struggling to find work are just as important, valuable and meaningful as everyone else — and it is important to remember that in the search for new work.

Helping each other

With the unemployment rate hovering above 9 percent, we all need to help those without work to find it. It’s our Christian duty to help them.

Because when we are not able to work, we feel less than human somehow, less than involved, less than important. And nobody should ever feel that.

Just as the federal government eventually recognized that every worker needed to be treated as a human being with human rights, not just as a means to production, we must all remember that our value is not just what we can produce in our labor.

We derive our value from God, and from the knowledge that we were created to love and be loved. One of the ways we can do that is by working and helping society with something that it needs. Another one of the ways that we realize that value is by letting people love us and to let them experience the divinely ordained joy that comes from that. There should never be any shame involved in needing others.

So if you are looking for work, reach out to anyone you know and proudly tell them you want to work, and ask if they know anyone who needs someone of your exquisite and unique value.

And for all of you who know anyone who needs work, it is your duty to help them to regain their feelings of worth and value, and to help them find work.

Times are tough all over, and we all need to stop thinking that “help” is a four letter word. We all need to work together in every way we can to celebrate the value of humanity — and that’s something we can really celebrate this Labor Day.

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By Chris Benguhe

In 1992, I graduated from college dreaming of becoming a writer. That same year Franky Carrillo went to jail for murder — sentenced to life for a crime he didn’t commit.

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A few months back my bed broke — OK, no jokes! That might be nothing more than a minor inconvenience for some, but for me it was one big challenge. And one I am glad I didn’t have to face alone.

That’s because I have battled anxiety and insomnia most of my life, so a broken bed inspires both of my lifelong challenges. To say I was a little agitated is an understatement. After three months of sleeping on the floor

I was losing it.

Adding insult to injury is that it’s hard to explain your troubles to anybody else because their first response is, “Just go buy a bed.”

Ugh. Not so easy. Here’s the problem: For insomniacs, all it takes is a little bit of discomfort and agitation to make it impossible to sleep. And of course, anxiety over finding the right bed makes it difficult to find the right bed since every time you lie down on one, you are anxious about whether or not you will be able to sleep on it. That anxiety makes you actually unable to sleep on it.

For all of you out there saying, “That’s crazy!” welcome to my world.

For those thinking my difficulty choosing a bed is somehow connected to my inability to choose a mate at 42, that’s an entirely different conversation.

Now I share this personal dilemma of mine with you for two reasons.

First, I want to give my friends and family a break from hearing about it, and you are the only ones left I can “entertain” with my situation.

The other reason is that it’s important for people to be honest, to be real and to talk about the “little” problems that sometimes don’t get talked about, so we all can all feel a little better and realize we are not alone in our varied mental anguishes.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, some 64 million Americans regularly suffer from insomnia each year. The principal causes range from simple stress and tension to full-blown anxiety issues. I am clearly not alone.

Most of my friends and family know about my sleep issues, and my anxiety issues, which makes life a whole lot easier to deal with. That’s because they are constantly reaching out and trying to help, even if it’s with a joking jab or two from time to time.

As for dealing with my underlying insomnia and anxiety issues themselves, it’s very important for me to stick to schedules, to exercise regularly, to eat well, and pray a lot. But just talking about it makes it easier, turning it into something almost funny instead of maddening, which it can truly be at times. 

We all have different crosses to bear in life, and this is mine. But when I share it, it makes it easier for my friends and family to share them with me, and we all help each other carry our loads. 

Reach out to friends and family in whatever way you can, and you never know how they will be able to help.

That’s why, despite my honest and hard-fought efforts to buy a new bed (I have already bought and returned three that just didn’t work), I am currently sleeping on a mattress that a friend loaned me, which is doing the trick. 

You never know when a friend will be able to help you to rest your weary head, too.

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Every year around this time we are overrun by Cupid and his minions – the Chocolate Makers and the Florists. Not a problem – I am a chocoholic myself.  But the most important thing to realize on Valentine’s Day is how amazing it is that love is so important to us. It’s the greatest evidence that there is something out of this world going on in this one.

There must be a God, because otherwise how on earth would a concept as impractical and intangible as love actually come to be so powerful that it could eventually rule the world.

Just a few months ago we celebrated the coming of Christ. He came here to bring the new covenant – and to assure that God so loved man He gave His only son to be sacrificed for our salvation. He preached on this earth for 33 years a simple message – to love God and each other as ourselves.

In those 33 years that He walked the earth, scores of the world’s most powerful men tried to stop him from spreading His message of love.  From the Emperor who tried to prevent his birth and end his life at infancy to the Pharisees and church leaders who tried to belittle and disqualify his message, he continually thwarted all their efforts and not only to succeeded dramatically at spreading his message but was able to amass a following that would be the envy of any of today’s greatest, most successful and powerful world leaders. 

He did it all without money, without an army, without any station or backing and without offering those who followed any of the typical worldly rewards that most ambitious leaders today offer.

To the contrary, this simple man offered hardship, struggle and the realization that life on this earth would never be what we wanted it to be. Nor should we even ask or expect it to be.

In a world that was at that time centered entirely on power and how to use it, he offered a completely new idea of a life based not on domination of others or the satiation of our animal desires. But for the first time in history here was a man who suggested a new vision of existence that claimed the entire point of our lives was to love others and revel in the love of God and our brothers and sisters.

The amazing success he had with that uncommon message was echoed exponentially after his death and resurrection.  From a simple initial following of 12 apostles, his message of love has now been accepted by over 2 billion in the world who call themselves Christian.

And how many others accept His call to love even though they might say they don’t believe in Christ? How many major movies, books, and works of art nowadays cite “love” as their goal? Even the band at halftime during the SuperBowl a few weeks ago spelled out “love” in lights during their performance.

How many world leaders routinely say (at least they claim) that they are committed to love of mankind? In Christ’s era, nobody could even dream that the world’s most powerful men would talk of “love”.

Now it’s true that many of these love devotees may not really appreciate the deep commitment to and respect for the dignity of human life.  But still the realization that the majority of the world is now devoted at least in name to the goal that Christ set as the new goal of man 2000 years ago is beyond comprehension; it is nothing short of – well – a miracle.

And it’s a mighty wonderful realization to reflect on this Valentine’s Day as we reach out to love all those around us.

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Let’s start the year off right and realize how incredible all of us are. When push comes to shove, we love more than hate, we help more than hurt, and we care more than we care less about others. Let’s remember all those wonderful people out there who helped all the rest of us wonderful people make it through another year.

I have more of an opportunity than most to see that outpouring of love by writing stories about people reaching out to others, and giving talks to people from all walks of life all over America who tell me their wonderful accounts of those who rose to meet the needs of others.

Like the outpouring of emails and supportive notes I received after my last column when I wrote of the young mother who almost wound up on the streets because of a temporary financial hardship. Not only did so many of you sympathize with her, but one reader even offered her a free house to live in for a few months if she needed to get back on her feet.

Or the young lady who came to one of my talks and spoke passionately about her financial woes after losing her father, her marriage and her job, all within a few months. Within minutes she was embraced by several in the crowd who offered guidance, understanding and job references. Later in the year she showed up at a totally unrelated Catholic gathering brimming with joy – and employment – having found solidarity and support from the many who reached out to help in the Catholic community.

With times tough all over, the cynics would expect self-serving people to be hoarding, not offering, whatever blessings they had to others.

But therein lies the rub. We are independent in America, but by no means selfish. We are constantly looking for ways to help others, especially when the chips are down.

That’s why giving to charity continued to be upwards of $300 billion last year yet again.

That’s why the crime rate is down, even as unemployment and frustrations are up.

That’s why the divorce rate is down, as families realize it’s better to stick together.

And that’s why, despite all the troubles and tribulations, we continue to love each other, to help each other, and to spur each other on as if we were inexorably connected – as if we were all part of something bigger than ourselves.

We are part of something more – it’s called the Body of Christ.

When we remember that, we rediscover our reason for being and our courage to push on amidst the steady stream of pain, suffering and struggle.

So as we continue to fight the good fight, let’s not forget what we are fighting for. Here’s a helpful reminder, a list of five questions to refresh your memory. Fill it out and fill up your life with all the love that’s already there.

Happy New Year!

Road map to happiness

• Who do you love (pick one person) and why are they so special to you?
• What’s the nicest thing anybody ever did for you and how did it inspire or help you?
• What’s the kindest thing you ever did for anybody else that helped to make their day or their life better? How has helping that person enhanced your own life?
• What is something positive that you saw somebody else do yesterday or today to help someone else which filled your heart with happiness? It could be a family member, a friend or even a complete stranger who you felt made somebody happy.
• Who loves you and how do they show it? How has their love changed your life?

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By Chris Benguhe

Approximately 20 percent of the 30,000 suicides in this country each year are committed by veterans. That’s about 18 veterans committing suicide each day!

Sometimes we need to take a break from all of our own problems to talk to someone who needs desperately to be listened to and let the good Lord inspire us with something positive to say in return. Our returning soldiers need an extra heaping of that lovin’ nowadays.

A startling proof of that came a few years ago when I met Robert, a young American soldier who had returned from Iraq a few months earlier after waking up on a pile of rubble with most of his legs gone.  The former U.S. marine got blown up while trying to charge a rocket launcher aimed at a mosque where a rival religion faction was organizing a voter-training meeting.

He was rescued by his comrades in arms and rushed back to a hospital in time to save his life.  Then after a whole lot of surgeries and rehabilitation overseas, he was sent back to the United States and his family. 

Predictably, things weren’t easy for Robert.  His wife left him a few months after he returned, unable to deal with the pain that plagued his body and the darkness that persisted in his heart and head.

Months later in a tiny Irish pub, Robert was sitting, staring pensively at the traditional Celtic band as they played a maudlin musical lament that perfectly illustrated his mood.

While sipping my usual cup of espresso in my favorite booth, I spied Robert looking a bit forlorn to say the least.

“How’s it going?” I shouted over the music.  “Are you havin’ a good time?”

With military precision and conviction he shouted back.  “I’m all messed up,” as he pointed down toward his strapped up legs – two prosthesis, bustling with wires, springs and plastic.  “I’m in the hospital every other day,” he continued.  “I’m in constant pain.  At night I pop pain pills until I pass out.  Then I wake up from the nightmares and pray to God I don’t fall asleep again.”

A bit overwhelmed by his honesty, I was tempted not to pursue the matter further, but my humanity got the better of me, and I walked over to his table to learn more.  I soon discovered that what made Robert’s pain and suffering truly unbearable for him was that he could not be there for the most important person in his life – his six year-old-daughter.  “I’m no good for her now,” he cried.  “Not like this.  I can’t even take care of myself, let alone be a dad.  Seeing me so depressed and down isn’t what she needs right now.”

Because of this he had given up visitation rights to his daughter until he could get his life back on track.  The way he spoke of his daughter lit up the room and my heart as well.

“You love that girl so much that you gave her up for her own good,” I told him.  “Do you realize what a tremendous sacrifice that was? Being aware of your own devotion to her will fuel you to overcome this obstacle so you can get back to her.  You now have a greater reason in your heart than you have ever known to recover!” 

Robert raised his head from its slumber and got a bit of a twinkle in his eye as if a light bulb went off.  “That’s true,” he uttered softly – the military acuteness giving way to a sober serenity. “I’ve really got something to work on now.”

I ran into Robert again a few weeks later, and I realized my words came at the tight time.

“You saved my life,” he whispered as he pulled me closer to give me a huge hug.  “I was ready to swallow a bottle of those pain pills that night.  But you made me realize how much I had to live for.  I wasn’t messed up – I was alright.  And I’m going to kick this all and get back to being a great dad for my little girl.”

Shock, amazement, confusion – I can’t even begin to express what I felt.  I told him thanks for his words of thanks – and to pass on the favor some day. 

Today, I am asking you to pass on the favor. If you know a vet, see one in a restaurant or even pass them on the street, take the time to say thanks and maybe to listen to their story. You just might help them to win the hardest battle of their lives, so we all can win the war we fight every day to make this world a better place. 

Want to help our vets financially? Buy Chris Benguhe’s latest book, “Overcoming Life’s 7 Common Tragedies: Opportunities for Discovering God” this month through his website at http://onemoredayalive.com/buy-the-book/ and a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Wounded Warrior Project!

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