My birthday is coming up this month. And believe it or not I am really looking forward to it, unlike most middle-aged people who tend to associate birthdays with reminders of their eventual death.
There are two reasons for jubilation. First of all it’s the first time in about a dozen years that I am not an emotional upheaval around my birthday. That’s because three of my last four breakups just happened to occur in April. (No you may not ask why my relationships keep crashing and burning like World War I fighter planes – that’s for another day).
But the second reason is I really like getting older.
Yup, you heard that right, I like it!
No this unusual happiness at being the ripe old age of 44 (soon-to-be) is not due to early onset senility, and I have not just won the lottery making everything in my life great.
But for the first time in my life, I really am incredibly happy. Not the ecstatic, can’t stop wagging my tail and other body parts happy that I thought was so great when I was 21.
What I am talking about here is a kind of inner peace and harmony that I never experienced when I was that age. And if this is what it feels like to get older, then bring on the birthdays.
Where does this come from and how can you get some of it. Well most of it emanates from being forced by circumstance into living my life more reasonably, calmly, and thoughtfully than ever before. Subsequently I am happier than I have even been.
I am aging and I realize it. But that has made me a better person than I have ever been.
The lines on my face and the salt and pepper hair have all been put there by some traumatic event or period in my life that I can remember and which taught me some valuable lesson.
The pain in my spine humbles me. And yet too it has strengthened me forcing me to take better care of myself, to lose weight and to stretch and exercise more.
All those newfound physical flaws have also convinced me to get health insurance for the first time in my life which could wind up saving my life. (That was a whirlwind of an experience. If you want any help with that click on the link http://www.aviva.co.uk/annuities/)
The pains in my heart have taught me to tread more carefully with mine and others, and to be more careful to insure that those that I give my heart to will care for it.
With every pasing year, with every pain and with every scar and wrinkle also comes wisdom, experience, knowledge, empathy and skills, and the self-awareness that allows me to love and help others as well as myself.
But most of all, every year that I am alive I realize the value and beauty of being alive a little bit more.
And if that keeps up, I can’t imagine how grateful I will be and how great it will feel when I get to be 100!
Last month I was invited to attend the Phoenix Veterans Administration (PVA) Health Care System Arts Festival to honor and display the art work of veterans.
Since so many veterans benefit from VA recreational therapy activities like painting, pottery making, leather craft, creative writing and dance, the VA decided to shine a light on some of those creative talents with an arts festival called “Put Your Heart into Art.”
The art was pretty amazing. The vets were even more compelling. What it taught me about people, pain, redemption, love and our ultimate purpose was utterly amazing.
The first thing it made me realize is that we must learn to see our military not only as soldiers, but as human beings who have survived what is arguably the most horrible, most challenging of human experiences – war.
But what also struck me was the uncanny human transformation that occurs in those vets when they funnel their energy into creating something.
Case in point, Jay Gustafson was just barely a man – only 18 – when he was wisked away to swift boat duty in Vietnam. A few months later he was shooting at anything that moved.
“I saw plenty of action,” recalls Jay. “I would rather not discuss it.”
The experience took an obvious toll on him emotionally, as it would anyone. But he refused to let it stop him from leading a meaningful and rewarding life. He came home four years later to be a carpenter, a husband, and a father to four children.
But like so many who are tapped to defend their nation, the end of the war was just the beginning of their battle. Those memories he would rather not discuss and undoubtedly wishes he never had aren’t easy to keep at bay. So discovering the intricate art of leatherwork was a miracle for him.
“It takes total concentration,” explains Jay. “And that keeps me from thinking about other things”
But a little prodding reveals what might be the deeper medicinal value of the arts program for Jay and others.
He recently spent almost four months working day and night on an exquisitely ornate saddle for his equestrian daughter. And the only thing more beautiful then the saddle was the look on his face when he talked about making it for her.
“It gives a lot of meaning to it when you make something like that and you know how much she appreciates it” explains Jay. “You put a lot into it, and you know that nobody else can do it, and how much it means to her.”
Jay wasn’t just making a saddle but creating something special for someone, and it gave him great pleasure and purpose to do so.
Maybe that’s what God meant when he said we were created in His image; we were given the ability to create something good for others. And just as God created the world for us because He loved us, and it gave Him pleasure to do so, so might we gain pleasure by creating for others.
Arguably the most difficult thing we can ever subject a human being to is the act of war. But if we can learn through these soldiers that even the worst of human experiences can be counteracted by that impulse and ability to create in many different ways beyond the world of art, then maybe there is some insight we can all use in our own battles to turn disappointment and disaster into love.
Then maybe we all can take a very important step toward being a little more like our Creator wants us to be- and creating a life and a world a little more like He would like us to.
If these soldiers can teach us that, then they will truly be defending our spiritual and psychological lives and once again be our deserving heroes.
A couple of years ago, when all the economic madness thrust so many into the long haul of tough times that is still continuing today, I wrote a column about the value of faith and hope, and how faith was ultimately more important in the long run.
With so many of us still facing so much of the same adversity, I thought it might be a good time to remind ourselves of those two ideas and just how they might help us through these tough times.
But now rather than simply reflecting on why faith is so much more important, I thought the time was right to do a little bragging for all of you out there about how much faith you have all had through the last few years, and how powerful that faith was when it came to helping you and the rest of America survive — long after hope went into short supply.
Because while hope for better times might make it easier to keep going, it is only through faith that we can find happiness. It is only through faith that we can realize the inherent value of our lives regardless of our fortune or our misfortune.
While foreclosures are still out of control, oil and gas prices are through the roof, and of course the papers are still filled with stories of people struggling to make ends meet, faith in our families and our nation has stayed strong. And that has kept us all going, millions from coast to coast who have continued to do the right thing: to work hard at their jobs, or continue to work hard finding a job, despite how difficult it has made our lives.
While we have watched some banks and greedy corporations break the law and mismanage funds, millions of everyday Americans have continued to respect each other and the rule of law in America; there has not been a rise in crime and misbehavior; in fact there has been a decrease.
Even as our media continues to irresponsibly depress us on a daily basis with portrayals of a wayward world of war and madness void of any purpose, millions have continued to pray and worship the Lord in America; there has not been a drop in churchgoing; in fact there has been a rise!
All of that and more should not only give all of us something to cling to in the storm, it should also make us proud. It should make us realize our strength and the value of our connection to something stronger and greater than ourselves is unbreakable in America.
It should make us all realize that there is something tangibly great about this nation that goes well beyond money, prosperity, looking good, feeling good or being number one.
Though one might argue that some have given up hope that things will get better soon in this nation, we have kept our faith that it is a nation worth trying to make better.
Through faith, we realize our ultimate purpose to live for God’s love regardless of what we encounter in this world. As I said way back when all this started, we will keep going because we know that every day, every hour, every second that we spend helping spread God’s love through our own compassion, our understanding and our endurance gets all of us one step closer to making the Lord’s Prayer a reality — “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.”
Every single Christmas Eve since I can remember, I have happily turned on the TV at some point and found that iconic classic, “It’s A Wonderful Life,” and basked in its sappy, perpetually uplifting sentiment.
Its simple lesson that every single one of us is important is the second greatest message that we can take out of the holidays (the first and foremost being the birth of our Redeemer, Jesus Christ) and one that we should reflect on in the post-holiday period.
The innate value of every single one of us is something that’s easy to forget when times are tough. I will sum it up for the handful of people out there who have never seen this film: It’s the incredibly simple but compelling Everyman story of George Bailey, who finds himself in quite a jam one Christmas Eve, wishing he was never born.
The reason for his despair is that he has sacrificed just about everything he ever wanted to stay behind in his tiny hometown of Bedford Falls to help out with the family business, a savings and loan that is long on helping its customers but short on profits or business sense. But when his uncle foolishly misplaces a huge portion of the company cash, George is left holding the bag, and facing criminal charges for mismanaging the bank, even though he has done nothing wrong and given up everything to protect it.
As he stands on a bridge regretting he was ever born and pondering suicide, an angel plunges into the water below and commences to show him all the good that wouldn’t have happened if George was, in fact, never born.
George eventually realizes just how important he is to the world and thanks God for his not-so-easy life and all the value it has — something that is hard to see when we are deep in the struggles of life.
(Ironically the film’s value wasn’t realized at first, either. Released in 1946, it was a box office flop, but it went on to be one of the most treasured films in American history.)
But its real value continues to be its perennial ability to remind us all to keep fighting the good fight to protect our families, our friends and our communities.
Since we can’t watch the film every day, we are all just going to have to tell our loved ones that we cherish them, of how much of a difference they are making in the world, of how much value they have, and of just how much of a loss it would be if they weren’t here.
Life will never be perfect, but it is wonderful.
Read more of Chris Benguhe’s columns at http://catholicsun.org/views/chris-benguhe/2012/012012.html
By this time I am sure you all have received your share of holiday emails and messages reminding you all of all the things that you have to be grateful for, so I won’t bore you with another.
Since I spend most of the year telling you how great your lives are, I thought I would switch gears at this time of year, and remind you of all the things that you have to be annoyed by.
So after you are done with Christmas dinner, I want you all to take a few moments to consider the following:
All the great presents who wished you received that you didn’t. (Can you believe they actually thought you would like that junk they bought you!)
How the holidays turn mildly annoying everyday traffic into lousy logjams filled with totally rude, incompetent drivers who are capable of turning even the most loving and tolerant people into proponents of capital punishment.
The way your company cut back on the Christmas party by having everyone bring something to eat and then docked your paycheck for the time you spent at the party.
Your boss, or boss’s boss – one of them is probably a thorn in your side.
The lovely pre-holiday letter from your bank informing you of the new fees they will charging next year. Happy New Year!
GAS PRICES!!!!
That weird, annoying guy in your neighborhood who tries tirelessly to piss everybody else off – and succeeds!
Your kid’s idiot teacher who seems to know less about the subject matter than the students but insists your child is the source of all the problems in their class.
CONGRESS!
Government red tape!
Corporate greed!
Kim Kardashian – or any Kardashian!
Mindless, stupid newscasts!
Doomsayers, and anyone who finds a way to turn a normal conversation into a discussion of the Mayan calendar and the end of the world.
TAXES!
Ok, are you all pretty disgusted and fumed now? Are you ready to go postal at your local post office now? (Provided the budget cuts didn’t close that one down.)
Now take a deep breath, and think about all the people in your life who make all that crap worth putting up with.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A WONDERFUL, BLESSED NEW YEAR MAKING ALL OF THEM AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN!
Profit and public responsibility, or at least accountability, are not unrelated. In fact, maybe they are inexorably connected to each other. But don’t just take my word for it.
The recent backlash over proposed new debit card fees by banks in America is the perfect example. The fact that those banks finally listened to the protestations of their customers is the best news yet for the future of America – and the future of capitalism.
Because the last two years have been a real test for business in America making many wonder if capitalism would survive the backlash of public protests.
But the reality is that outside of a few wacky extremists crying for outright socialism most Americans don’t oppose capitalism or profits. What they are fed up, and rightfully so, is the proliferation of unfettered GREED and the rise of an embarrassingly irresponsible corporate culture of selfishness!
Case in point: the debit card fee fiasco. This all began in September after Bank of America foolishly decided to try to nickel and dime the American public (the same American public who bailed them out with a huge stimulus just a few years ago) by adding a $5-a-month fee to use debit cards. Other banks soon announced they would do the same.
Within a few months there was a huge public outcry from customers with many threatening to leave en masse. All this finally made all the banks including Bank of America reverse their decision.
Now obviously these banks changed their minds because they realized that in this particular situation they stood to lose customers. And that would cost them more profit in the long run than they would make in the short run by adding the fees.
But maybe this is more than just an isolated case. Maybe it means that corporate America is remembering the bottom line of capitalism is not just dollars, but SENSE too – common sense that says that caring about people, about the world around you will improve your profits. That’s because people are more apt to work for and buy from companies that are nice instead of nasty. It is proven time and time again.
Henry Ford, one of the greatest, and most successful, capitalists in American history – the father of the assembly line – purposely raised his employees’ salaries more than he needed to in order to enable them to buy his cars. That wasn’t just because he was a nice guy. He knew it would create generations of Ford Customers that would inevitably in the long run earn the company much more than it cost in the short run. But the byproduct of that was he made a whole lot of employees happier and better off too, and he was probably the happier for it as well!
Now I do not think it is government’s responsibility to make these companies act morally. (The exception is when the whole game is rigged for instance in the case of collusion or monopoly.) We need free will and free markets in order for moral decisions to be possible. God does not make us do the right thing, and neither should government.
I truly believe eventually the people will get tired of being taken advantage of, and they will rise up and make these companies do the right thing with the power of their wallets.
But if everything I have said is true then it begs the question: Why have there been so many short-sighted selfish companies in the last few decades in America?
The answer is simple – stupidity! If everyone (the companies, the employees and the consumers) prospers more in the long run, by running a considerate and socially responsible business, then only a fool would do differently.
But thank God some of those fools are beginning to wise up.
There’s been a lot of talk lately about how our mounting debt crisis is going to saddle our children and our grandchildren with great difficulty.
Well, thank God we are finally talking about our children. Now maybe we can start talking about all the ways we need to help them right now as well as in the future.
Twenty years ago the first article I ever wrote professionally was an opinion article in the local daily newspaper that was inspired by an interview I did with the director of St. Mary’s Food Bank. He informed me the hunger rate in children was a whopping 25 percent.
It was unfathomable to me that a quarter of our children could be going to bed hungry every night. Unlike adults, children are helpless to help themselves out of such a situation.
So why would we possibly allow such a situation to continue?
In 2011, the state of our children is still in jeopardy. There is still a 20 percent hunger rate in children. The good news is that’s down 5 percent; the bad news is that it’s still too high. And when you add to that the deficits children face in the availability of health care and education, it begs the question why.
I dare to be optimistic and suggest it’s not because we can’t change it, but maybe it’s because we are way too accustomed to feeling good in our society — at the expense of our children. But a little attitude shift could change everything.
Just look at the number of children who have been sacrificed to abortion — 42 million globally each year. The number one reason given for wanting an abortion in this country is not hardship but inconvenience.
But a friend who had an abortion 10 years ago because she thought a child would get in the way of her life recently confided in me how differently she now sees things. After a lifetime of pain, suffering and loneliness, she realizes the life she could have had with that child, not to mention the life she could have created and fostered would more than outweigh the loss of her “freedom.”
Look at the huge surge of drug use in the “if-it-feels-good -do-it” 1960s, ’70s and ’80s in America, and then look at the fact that since 1986, more than 70 percent of the child welfare cases in America have been shown to be caused in some part by substance abuse.
My prayers are with any individual who has ever suffered from a drug addiction. But I hope with all my heart that anyone with a child comes to their senses and realizes that the life of their child is at stake every time they give in to their addiction.
Maybe we don’t all need as many comforts, as many excuses, as many vices, as many conveniences, or to “feel good” as much as we think.
Thirty years ago my Fr. turned down a high-paying job in Los Angeles because I had asthma and he knew the smog would kill me. My mother sacrificed a career as an opera singer to be a mother to three children. They knew their most important job was being parents.
Ten years ago I interviewed a retired chief petty officer and nurse living on modest wages who decided to adopt 10 foster children because they knew those children needed them.
Maybe what we need — and what will serve us even more in the long run — is if we step up to the plate to take care of our kids, to give them the education, the resources and the attention they need, even it means sacrificing a little of what we think we need.
Then hopefully all this talk about the future of our children will make its way into the present.
As we continue to face tough times in our nation and our world, let’s help each other to remember all the blessings that God sends us every day through others who touch us with their selfless love.
I know you have heard all that before. But it’s easy to forget those kind pick-me-ups, such as the way someone smiled at the grocery store or how a family member went the extra mile to let us know how loved we are.
It’s important to remind ourselves of how special every single person we meet is and how much they make a difference. Remember, too, that we have the opportunity to give all that love back.
Becoming thankful
But how exactly do we remind ourselves of all that long after we are done reading this column or when the Sunday church bells have long faded into the chaos and the catastrophes of the week?
That’s where the blessings bottle project comes in.
First, go rummage around your house for an old vase or glass jar that you have always liked but that doesn’t get enough use. Or take a trip to your local St. Vincent de Paul Thrift Store. You will find all kinds of forgotten yet beautiful bottles sitting up on top of the shelves; usually it will only set you back a buck or two.
Each week between now and Christmas, you and your family will write down one blessing you have to be grateful for on a piece of paper and put in the jar.
Think of blessings that go beyond having the fanciest car on the block, or being the best-dressed person at work. You should probably shy away from anything having to do with hitting the lotto, too.
Try to focus on things like how people came to help you last week when you were sick or remembering the people who celebrated with you on your birthday. Or maybe the way somebody picked you up the last time you were down.
If you keep up with it, you should have at least a dozen or so in there within the next few months.
Then on Christmas day, after all the other presents are opened, take down the jar and start reading all the wondrous ways that you have been blessed, and it will be the greatest Christmas gift of all.
If you want, then you can empty it out and start all over to get ready for Easter.
Then keep the glass out somewhere for the rest of the year in plain sight where it will be a permanent pick-me-up.
Eventually you will get into the habit of realizing just how much you have to be thankful for. Once you do it will totally transform your head, your heart and the way you look at life.
In fact, you will become so enthusiastic and grateful about your life that you will probably start being a real pain to all those negative people out there who insist on being angry and ungrateful.
And as the old saying goes, “You should be so lucky!”
A few years ago I struck up a conversation with a man sitting next to me on a plane. We started talking about work, family and the standard friendly fare people engage in while trapped next to each other for an hour or so with nowhere else to go.
He told me about his daughter, all grown up now and a financial analyst who lived in Denver happily with her husband and two children of her own. But only a few years ago she narrowly escaped with her life from her office in the World Trade Center on 9/11.
Bringing up 9/11 reminded me of a story I wrote a few years earlier about one of America ’s greatest unknown heroes, a man named Rick Rescorla, who saved so many lives that fateful day in the Towers.
Rick was a war hero, whose quick thinking and altruistic leadership saved and comforted scores of men in one of the war’s first major battles of the Vietnam conflict in a place called the Ia Drang Valley, where American forces were surrounded and up against insurmountable 10-1 odds. Over 300 American soldiers and almost 3000 Vietnamese lost their lives in a couple of days. Lt. Rescorla left Vietnam with a Silver Star, a Purple Heart, and Bronze Stars for Valor and Meritorious Service for his incredible efforts to save lives in a place where so many were lost.
After the war, Rescorla went to work for Morgan Stanley as head of security for their Trade Center offices, and it was a job he didn’t take lightly. For years he racked his brain trying to think of all the things that could possibly ever go wrong in the towers and all the ways he could get people out safely in those situations. His biggest concern was terrorism.
Before the first Trade Center bombing in ’91 he rightly predicted the towers were vulnerable to a bomb detonated in the basement. And prior to 9/11, he told his superiors that the next time it would be a plane filled with gas.
So he prepared. He ran the employees through drill after drill until they knew how to get out of that building in their sleep. He prepared contingency plans for his contingency plans.
Then on the morning of the attacks, as the Port Authority instructed everyone to stay put, he led a civilized charge out the door with a bullhorn in hand telling people to get out, no matter what they heard from anyone else. His well-laid plans worked like clockwork, getting over 2700 of Morgan Stanley’s employees out alive, all except Rick and several of his security detail who went back to help others.
As I told the story to my traveling companion, tears began to stream down his face. He revealed that his daughter worked in the South Tower in the offices of Morgan Stanley, and on the morning of the attacks when the first plane hit the North Tower, the force of the explosion was so intense it shattered the window in her office showering her with glass and debris sending her and her colleagues running for cover, and running right into Rick Rescorla. My traveling friend’s daughter was one of those very lucky people, along with almost every employee of Morgan Stanley, who got out alive, thanks to Rick.
When I first told Rick Rescorla’s story back in 2001, I knew there were thousands of people thankful for Rick’s diligence, preparedness and dutiful courage. But there was no way to know then the true ramifications of his actions, not until this moment when I saw them in the flesh. I heard and felt the joy Rick’s devotion and sacrifice made possible pouring out of this grateful father’s heart, as he told me of the wonderful life and the beautiful family his daughter was blessed with since then.
As we reflect this year on the anniversary of 9/11 let’s remember that in every tragedy, there is an opportunity – in our families, our communities, in our nation and our world –to reach out to love in extraordinary ways. The ripple that results will be more amazing than any of us can ever dream of.
As Labor Day appraoches so does too the unofficial end of summer and happily the end of the summer heat. The long weekend is celebrated with backyard barbecues and pool parties, as families and friends gather together for one last chance to have some summer fun, while football fans everywhere celebrate the beginning of football season.
But do any of us really stop and think about what Labor Day is really about and why it was important enough to be a holiday in the first place? Well, the first Labor Day in the United States became a federal holiday in 1894 as a way for the government to reconcile with unions and citizens in general, after workers were killed by U.S. Marshals during the Pullman Strike, 15 years earlier.
The killing was of course one of those tragic and unintended mishaps, but it made many in the country realize that there needed to be some safeguards installed in our system that would help to protect laborers from exploitation and abuse. Making Labor Day an official holiday was meant to signal that our government recognized that the everyday laborer, no matter how menial the job, was important, had an innate value, and was worthy of all the same human rights of business owners, gentry and those in government. And that they would never again be forgotten or mistreated.
In other words, Labor Day is supposed to remind us not only of the value of hard work, but that all those who do it are human beings, not just cogs in a machine.
But this Labor Day maybe it’s an even more poignant reminder for a very important and overlooked particular group of workers: the unemployed. Those struggling to find work are just as important, valuable and meaningful as everyone else — and it is important to remember that in the search for new work.
Helping each other
With the unemployment rate hovering above 9 percent, we all need to help those without work to find it. It’s our Christian duty to help them.
Because when we are not able to work, we feel less than human somehow, less than involved, less than important. And nobody should ever feel that.
Just as the federal government eventually recognized that every worker needed to be treated as a human being with human rights, not just as a means to production, we must all remember that our value is not just what we can produce in our labor.
We derive our value from God, and from the knowledge that we were created to love and be loved. One of the ways we can do that is by working and helping society with something that it needs. Another one of the ways that we realize that value is by letting people love us and to let them experience the divinely ordained joy that comes from that. There should never be any shame involved in needing others.
So if you are looking for work, reach out to anyone you know and proudly tell them you want to work, and ask if they know anyone who needs someone of your exquisite and unique value.
And for all of you who know anyone who needs work, it is your duty to help them to regain their feelings of worth and value, and to help them find work.
Times are tough all over, and we all need to stop thinking that “help” is a four letter word. We all need to work together in every way we can to celebrate the value of humanity — and that’s something we can really celebrate this Labor Day.
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